Parents are intimidating. They have these high powered jobs. Some are doctors. Some are lawyers. We know our job as teachers is just as important, but it can feel scary to embark on a conversation about a child’s behavior when you spend hours of the day asking little people if they need to pee. Take it from someone who used to sweat bullets before parent-teacher conferences. Here are some tips for stress-free conferences:

1. “Conferences are a conversation about your mutually favorite person in the world…” I read this recently and it resonated with me. Parent-teacher conferences don’t have to be stressful. Instead they can and should be a celebration of all the work we’re doing at home and at school. 

2. Focus on the 60-40 rule. Begin with the positives and try to share 60% affirmations and focus less on the negatives. Don’t avoid the behaviors and skills a child is working on, but take time to focus initially on all of the ways a child is thriving and what makes them uniquely them. When we do this parents are better able to hear us on the other things.

3. Share anecdotes. When you start off a conference talking about how you saw sweet Suzie mimicking you with a friend the other day telling her friend to “go get it girl,” while taking turns finding letters in the Moveable Alphabet, you are communicating more than a silly story to a parent. You’re showing them that you see their child. The single most important thing in the world to them. In a classroom full of children, you see their child’s light. In sharing that you too love their child as they do, you begin to build trust. Once you build a solid foundation of trust, which is not done in one meeting but worked at every week, it will still be scary to communicate unfortunate news when their child is struggling with something. But the parent may be more open to hear it because they will feel you’re a team and can work on this together at home and at school. 

4. Remember that you are the expert here. Even after I had a few years teaching under my belt, I struggled with serious imposter syndrome. I worried about how I would communicate with a parent about their child when I didn’t have any children myself. How could I tell a doctor whose no doubt got a few years on me in the school department about their child’s development? I had to remind myself that while they may have a child and I do not, I have also spent many more hours observing and studying many different behaviors and learning styles in a classroom setting. Most doctors and lawyers have not. And in my experience - most are grateful for any insight you can give. They may be experts in their field, but don’t forget - you are the expert in yours. 

5. Take deep breaths and remember this is not about you. Always remember why we’re here - for the children. Taking even a few deep breaths before entering an important meeting can actually cause physical changes in your body like lowering your blood pressure and alleviating your anxiety. Don’t underestimate this simple tool’s power to help get your message across in a clear, articulate manner. 

While most of us enjoy being with children more than interacting with adults - building a relationship with parents goes a long way.  Give them a chance to ask questions or a minute to explain what’s working for them at home and what they may need advice on. When we take the time to build a solid relationship with parents, the children are the ones who benefit most.