Conversations About Hate Crimes at the Elementary Level

What should we be doing in the classroom in response to news about hate crimes and mass shootings in our society?

There is room to argue that, for our youngest students, a direct discussion about the events themselves might be inappropriate and a bit too much for them to handle emotionally. Older students, such as upper elementary students, are usually aware of news events and can have meaningful discussions about them.

But we shouldn’t ignore elements in our own Montessori curriculum that address the issues behind such events. One area that lends itself to this is the series of lessons on “Fundamental Human Needs.”  While not listed among the “five great lessons” of the Montessori tradition, it is certainly one of the most important series of lessons in the context of Cosmic Education, where unity within division is such a key theme.

Starting with a “Robinson Crusoe” experience of being stranded on an island, children can be led to identify the things most necessary for survival – such as food and water, shelter, clothing to protect against the elements, defensive weapons against wild animals, and all the things that come to their imagination. The classic Montessori chart of fundamental needs divides them into material and spiritual needs, with the latter more specifically human and notable as children grow older. Note that smart phones, video games and the like don’t make the list.

Once we have established a list of these “fundamental” human needs, it becomes clear that ALL human beings in every TIME and PLACE have these same needs to survive, and we just meet them in different ways depending on the time and place where we live. This influences the food we eat, the type of clothing we wear, and the materials we use to make our shelters, to name just a few things. 

Eventually, this type of discussion can lead to the conclusion that all human beings have the same needs, and we just meet them in different ways. And that’s the richness of the human species. How boring our world would be if we all ate the same kind of food, if we all made the same kind of music, if we all had the same dance moves, we all had the same kind of art, or even if we all had the same religious beliefs!

Maria Montessori, in a 1946 lecture in London, noted the amazing ability of humans, in contrast to other species of animals, to adapt to the environment by constructing their own way of life. “Geographically speaking, there is a great variety of human beings. So the behaviour of man is not determined by heredity... He must construct his own adaptation and behaviour in the world.” (The 1946 London Lectures, p. 82). 

Instead of fearing or discriminating against those who are different from us, we should celebrate those differences as a source of richness for the human race. That spirit of tolerance, or even celebration of our differences, would help future generations avoid the kind of hate (essentially rooted in fear of people different from ourselves) that has surfaced in so many mass shootings and hate crimes in our American society in recent decades.

Discussions about respect for those who are different from us in their dress, their preferred food, their religious beliefs and, yes, their skin color are important topics for children in the second plane of development as they seek to find their place in a more social world. These are not conversations we should avoid, but rather ones that we should feel compelled to have with our students within the context of Montessori’s vision for a better world.

If we have done a good job of building a classroom community and delivering the heart of Cosmic Education to our students, there will be no need for us to lecture about respect of others – our students will come to that conclusion on their own. However, it is our job to create time and space in our day for these important conversations. 

This is the route to world peace that Maria Montessori advocated!

Pandemic Pondering from an In Person Administrator: What Preschoolers Can Teach Us About Life During a Global Pandemic

“Building resilience in children is not about making them tough. Resilience is the ability to recover from difficulties and manage how you feel.”

This morning I watched a 1-year-old hold her head out toward my touchless thermometer pointed between her eyes, reach out to me from her mom’s arms, and walk sure-footedly, holding out her hand for mine as we proceeded into her classroom. 

If you had told me this is what Monday on week 13 reopening a preschool would look like after an unexpected two-month closure due to a global pandemic, (or any Monday, ever!) I would have thought you’d lost your mind. 

There are a lot of things I’ve learned about life observing our youngest students over the years, but especially in the last three months. Here is a list of the top 5: 

1. Sometimes the fear of the thing is worse than the thing itself. Back in May we were all experiencing significant anxiety as we prepared to reopen the school. We worried children three and over wouldn’t keep their masks on. We worried the children wouldn’t wash their hands enough. We worried about how often to wash sheets and clean the playgrounds. The children were likely worried too. But on day one they showed us how it’s done. They came with positive attitudes, excited to learn and see their friends, and the worry dissipated. The older children have exceeded all expectations to wear masks and wash their hands, even keep a distance from each other for most of the day. We have watched them and we too have faced many difficult scenarios we worried about, but have gotten through every one. And we’ve all continued to show up. We, like the children, have found that the anticipation of the problem, was always worse than the problem itself. 

2. Time laughing with friends heals all. If you spent two minutes observing in one of our classrooms, you would see the children excited, learning, and thrilled to be back with their friends. It’s as if they never left. 

3. Resilience does not come from never encountering difficulties. It comes from facing difficulties, showing up every day, and adapting. Of course, no one wants to see a three-year-old navigate how to wear a mask while going about his daily activities, but rather than complain, the children have quickly adapted. Not only do they wear their masks, but they’re also often excited to tell us at carpool about the new design they are wearing, or are taking it from their mom or dad to put it on themselves. It’s an unfortunate set of circumstances we find ourselves in as a community, no doubt, but as usual, our students are teaching us a thing or two about how to swiftly acclimate. 

4. Structure and consistency provide stability and feelings of safety. There are so many unknowns right now for all of us. So much out of our control. The structure and stability of a school day with the same teachers and administrators and a familiar schedule is a comfort for all of us able to be in school in person. You can see it in every child’s face and even the faculty. We can, and should, take comfort in the spaces we do have familiarity and consistency. 

There is still so much joy. These are unthinkably difficult times. People are sick, losing loved ones, losing jobs. Some days it feels like there is nothing to celebrate. But pay attention to your toddler. The elation on their face when they’ve been trying so hard to get their shoe on themselves and finally nail it. The giggle of excitement they let out when they see you at pick up after school. Celebrate the little moments. There is still so much joy if we continue to look for it and pause long enough to appreciate it.

Modeling Mistakes and Approaching Our Lives as Self-Correcting Materials

“It is well to cultivate a friendly feeling towards error, to treat it as a companion inseparable from our lives, as something having a purpose which it truly has.” Maria Montessori

 This Winter I gave Language exams to aspiring teachers at the Montessori Teacher Education Institute of Atlanta. I have been through the process twice myself, so I know firsthand how nerve wracking it is. You pick a lesson out of a hat (out of what feels like 1,000) and have to present the lesson to the examiner pretending you are showing it to a child. It’s a lot of pressure! I expected anxiety levels to be high. 

One woman approached the basket of lessons, worry etched on her face. She drew one of the most advanced, difficult lessons: Function of Words - The Adjective. She froze. Slowly, she got herself together and walked over to the Language shelf. She was able to surmise the section with Function of Words lessons and selected a tray. She brought it to the table. She began the lesson and about halfway through she froze again, realizing she’d forgotten scissors. A crucial piece of the work. However, instead of panicking, freezing, or crying, she carried on. Instead of cutting the piece of paper, she tore it, which was not ideal, but was also not the end of the world. 

After finishing she was so hard on herself for making a mistake. We put such pressure on ourselves, especially Montessori teachers, to present lessons perfectly - exactly as it’s written in our manual with slow, graceful movements, and precision. Catherine McTamaney describes this pressure perfectly:

“We ask the unattainable of ourselves because we want the best for ourselves. We want to be perfect teachers. We want to do things right the first time. We want not to have to face failure. Montessori, though, is about the process of learning, not the product. We must see ourselves as travelers on the same path as the children in our classroom. When we offer ourselves that same grace, we model it for the children. We can extend grace and forgiveness and authentic love to the children in our care because we have experienced it firsthand toward ourselves.” (The Tao of Montessori, 25) 

Sara Blakely, a successful entrepreneur and founder of the women’s clothing line Spanx, describes how she remembers growing up her dad would ask the kids in her family at dinner what they had failed at that day. If they hadn’t failed at anything, that was the real problem because it meant they hadn’t tried. 

While it’s important to study and show lessons carefully and with great purpose it can also be invaluable to show our students that we’re human - we all make mistakes. When we make a mistake and own up to it, we have the power to cultivate resilience and a growth mindset. When we do this we teach an even more important lesson than the one we set out to. People who try and fail tend to achieve a lot more than those who never try at all. 

Carol Dweck has done extensive research on the effects of having a growth versus a fixed mindset. She noticed that some students rebounded after failures or setbacks, while others were devastated and defeated. “When students believe they can get smarter, they understand that effort makes them stronger. Therefore they put in extra time and effort, and that leads to higher achievement.” (mindsetworks.com/science) 

Teachers tend to be perfectionists. Especially Montessori teachers. We take our responsibility seriously. However, if we focus less on the outcome of the lesson, and more on the process, if we laugh at ourselves when we forget the scissors and carry on anyway, we have the opportunity to share our enthusiasm instead of our anxiety. We have the opportunity to kick our shame and stoke our student’s curiosity, leaving a larger impact than the original lesson ever would have.

“Our lives, like the materials on the shelf, are self-correcting, if we pay close enough attention. Realize that the errors in our lives, like a mistake made with a material, is not our essence but a lesson to be learned in our own growth.” (The Tao of Montessori, 26) 

Five Tips for Stress Free Conferences

Parents are intimidating. They have these high powered jobs. Some are doctors. Some are lawyers. We know our job as teachers is just as important, but it can feel scary to embark on a conversation about a child’s behavior when you spend hours of the day asking little people if they need to pee. Take it from someone who used to sweat bullets before parent-teacher conferences. Here are some tips for stress-free conferences:

1. “Conferences are a conversation about your mutually favorite person in the world…” I read this recently and it resonated with me. Parent-teacher conferences don’t have to be stressful. Instead they can and should be a celebration of all the work we’re doing at home and at school. 

2. Focus on the 60-40 rule. Begin with the positives and try to share 60% affirmations and focus less on the negatives. Don’t avoid the behaviors and skills a child is working on, but take time to focus initially on all of the ways a child is thriving and what makes them uniquely them. When we do this parents are better able to hear us on the other things.

3. Share anecdotes. When you start off a conference talking about how you saw sweet Suzie mimicking you with a friend the other day telling her friend to “go get it girl,” while taking turns finding letters in the Moveable Alphabet, you are communicating more than a silly story to a parent. You’re showing them that you see their child. The single most important thing in the world to them. In a classroom full of children, you see their child’s light. In sharing that you too love their child as they do, you begin to build trust. Once you build a solid foundation of trust, which is not done in one meeting but worked at every week, it will still be scary to communicate unfortunate news when their child is struggling with something. But the parent may be more open to hear it because they will feel you’re a team and can work on this together at home and at school. 

4. Remember that you are the expert here. Even after I had a few years teaching under my belt, I struggled with serious imposter syndrome. I worried about how I would communicate with a parent about their child when I didn’t have any children myself. How could I tell a doctor whose no doubt got a few years on me in the school department about their child’s development? I had to remind myself that while they may have a child and I do not, I have also spent many more hours observing and studying many different behaviors and learning styles in a classroom setting. Most doctors and lawyers have not. And in my experience - most are grateful for any insight you can give. They may be experts in their field, but don’t forget - you are the expert in yours. 

5. Take deep breaths and remember this is not about you. Always remember why we’re here - for the children. Taking even a few deep breaths before entering an important meeting can actually cause physical changes in your body like lowering your blood pressure and alleviating your anxiety. Don’t underestimate this simple tool’s power to help get your message across in a clear, articulate manner. 

While most of us enjoy being with children more than interacting with adults - building a relationship with parents goes a long way.  Give them a chance to ask questions or a minute to explain what’s working for them at home and what they may need advice on. When we take the time to build a solid relationship with parents, the children are the ones who benefit most.

In Praise of the Peace Corner

How Effectively Incorporating a Peace Corner Can Transform Your Classroom

As a former teacher if I come into your classroom where children are struggling with challenging behaviors like biting and tantrums, and I suggest incorporating a peace corner, I know what you’ll think. There’s no way it will work...The children will play with the fidgets and that’s rewarding them...Or, they will sit in the peace corner all day instead of choosing work...Or isn’t that basically a time out? Hear me out. New year, new you. The peace corner can function not as a timeout in your classroom, but as “time in.” It can give children invaluable tools on their quest for self regulation and development. It will require some work on your part in the beginning, but has the potential to save you a lot of heartache and frustration in the long run. 

“In Positive Discipline: The First Three Years, Jane Nelsen talks about setting up a calm space for an older toddler around 3 years old, a place with some of their favorite things where they can go anytime they need to calm down. This is different from a time-out because the child can decide to go there and how long they would like to stay, and it is never used as a threat.” (Davies, The Montessori Toddler, 127) 

What Does It Look Like?

In a classroom a peace corner should be a quiet space with less visual stimuli than the rest of the classroom. Depending on the needs of your children you may have a cube with pillows they can go and look at calming, pleasing books. You may have a shelf with a collection of fidgets, such as a glitter jar, that mesmerize a child and may help him return to homeostasis. Noise cancelling headphones can also be a great option for children who may be too audibly over-stimulated. 

How Do You Use a Peace Corner?

The peace corner should never be used as a time out. When a child is upset, rather than getting them worked up, you can ask if they’d like to go to their calm place to begin to calm down. The more you redirect children there and show them the tools provided to begin to self-regulate, the more they will begin to do this on their own over time. It should be noted, however, that the peace corner does require a lot of teacher guidance when first incorporating it into your classroom! Children are always going to gravitate towards new things in the classroom - sometimes all of the children at one time! It’s up to the teacher to put firm guidelines and rules in place with any new furniture or materials so children learn how to use it appropriately over time. 

Why Incorporate a Peace Corner

Jane Nelsen suggests peace corners for children around 3 years old, but I have seen peace corners be successful with children as young as 1.5-2 years old. We recently had a classroom experiencing an uptick in biting episodes. After careful observation we came to the conclusion that the cause of the behavior may be environmental. The children had no calm space to go to recharge and they seemed to be overtired and overstimulated with not enough tools to know how to express themselves or calm down appropriately. The teachers in the classroom were skeptical about incorporating a peace corner, but after several months of having this peaceful space in their classroom, they have seen a tremendous decrease in the instances of biting. These teachers have even placed a picture with human faces and emotions underneath where they can talk to the child about emotions they may have felt once they have calmed down. Once a child has calmed down, they are better able to hear us and the tools we have to share. 

When we present the child with a carefully prepared environment - one where he is able to explore and make discoveries autonomously and take charge of his own learning - he absorbs lessons on a deeper, more significant level. Having a prepared, quiet area he is guided to to help handle his big emotions gives him the gift of being able to self regulate independently in the future. 

“Education is not what the teacher gives; education is a natural process spontaneously carried out by the human individual, and it is acquired not by listening to words but by experiences in the environment.” Maria Montessori